No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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