UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
