dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
me + whiskey = a bad person
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
