you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
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Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
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Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize