Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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