I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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