Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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