My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
