He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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