I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
