you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
