Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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