I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
