it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
