Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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