I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
