It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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