Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can text with my tongue
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize