It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Screwed.edu
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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