Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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