I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
