Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
