theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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