"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I still have a little drunk in my system
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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