Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
