I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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