That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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