My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
