i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
