Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
