barbara walters just said penis...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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