Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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