If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
