Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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