Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
