Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
