You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
