Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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