Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
