Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
