either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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