I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
