New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
