I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
