did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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