you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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