i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
