saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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