he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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