I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize