I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
