If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
