everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We need to feng shui this bitch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize