Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
