and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
