i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
