you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
