Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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