Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
