Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize