Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
