I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
