Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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